#3: The Aftermath

Dear Daddy,

It's like Dawn of the Dead here! She shouldn't have used the Cinzano! I managed to break into Uncle Chris and Ryan's bedroom last night! But it was no fun as Mummy was comatosed, sleeping with one leg on the floor and her head on the bedside cabinet. God, I wish I had a camera! So I gave up as she wasn't up to playing the game of chasing me back to my own room, so I just hopped back onto your bed and slept on your pillow.

And she's no better this morning! I've had food in my milk bowl, and milk in my food bowl! Food being the operative word, it was sausage, egg and beans, I think Uncle Chris got my breakfast, but he's still so hungover from last night that he's quite enjoying it! Lynsey's just strolled in. Mummy did offer her something but before she could reel off the breakfast menu, Lynsey had thrown up! Glad it's not on Uncle Chris' plate, because the state he's in, he would have eaten that aswell!

But don't feel sorry for me Daddy, because the way this breakfast is going down I'm looking at a triple portion of sausage, bacon, beans and eggs. And, by the way, Mummy must think I'm stupid, because while they're enjoying their scrambled eggs, they don't realise they're just the ones she dropped on the floor!

I always find it funny Daddy, that when people have a drink they don't have a problem talking, considering alcohol stays in the system for at least eight hours, it's strange that there aren't any stimulating conversations around the breakfast table this morning!

Daddy, do you think Mummy likes guests? The reason I ask is she's actually stripping the beds and hoovering and polishing around them, so does that mean she's a good hostess, or is she just trying to tell them to sod off back to Wales? She's even carried their suitcases to their car! I wish they would take the hint as I'm dying to take Mummy for a walk! I think they'll finally get a move on when I start breaking wind, because this bacon is playing havoc with my digestive system!

And just to end Mummy's day off on the right note, I'm not going to whoopsie in the long grass and bushes, if I can get her to come out, I promise you I shall do in full view of the general public! So, poo bags at the ready! Let's just hope she doesn't topple over, head first, when she bends over to pick it up! I was going to go out into the garden and do one, but I think I'll store it up, bacon rind and egg shells should give her some indication that she's got the breakfast wrong!

At the moment, Daddy, we've got Desert Island Discs on. I'm not sure whether I'd rather be on that island right now, or whether I'd prefer to ship her off! I can understand why you go off to sea now, Daddy! But it's always lovely when you come home! And wait till you see your Christmas presents! I would tell you what you've got, but I'd have to kill you, but on saying that, a good juicy butcher's bone might loosen my tongue!

Mummy's getting all emotional now, because they're leaving, packed up with all their Christmas presents and a hangover, courtesy of Mummy's infamous punch! So, it's back to just us two girls until you get home now, Daddy!

They've gone now, Daddy, they've gone! It's funny because when Mummy was waving at them, she waved with two fingers, rather than her whole hand! And their retort was a one finger gesture, not quite getting that! Lynsey borrowed one of Mummy's old buckets to travel back with, don't get that either?!

Only six days to go now, Daddy! Can't wait for you to get home! xxxxxxxxxxxxx

#2: Dear Daddy, Guess What Happened Today!

Dear Daddy,

Mummy's on the homemade punch again! She's substituted the wine for cinzano added Vodka, cider, plus whatever else she could find in the cabinet! And I'm sitting right in front of her typing, but she's had so much punch, she can't even see me!! Tamla Motown is playing, it's gone 12! And I can hear the neighbours' banging on the wall, but Mummy thinks it's the bass tone of the music!

Actually Daddy, the day started off really well! But please tell me, why Mummy insists on wearing her old coat, bobble hat and stupid tesco wellies, when she takes me out for a walk, when she has a perfectly good barbour coat and walking boots in the wardrobe?! Don't get me wrong Daddy, I'm not ashamed of her, but when I take her for a walk, if I can make sure my backside and paws are clean and presentable, I don't understand why she can't at least make the same effort! I always consider her, for instance today I did a whoopsie in the overgrown grass by the trees (so Mummy didn't have to pick it up, she never gives me enough credit for pooing in the right place!)

When we got back, she hoovered and polished as normal, but did add an extra little vigour to the cleaning as Uncle Chris, Ryan and Lynsey have come down from Cardiff! Camp beds are up, and Uncle Chris is currently occupying one of them (because he's had too much punch aswell!) Ryan's watching a DVD, and Lynsey's hitting Plymouth barbican with the girls! So I'm stuck with Mummy, who at the moment is... Oh, hold on a minute Daddy, Marvin Gaye is on, so I just gotta walk in between her legs and wag my tail because this song really makes her depressed!

Whoops, she nearly slipped then Daddy! No, she's alright, she's leaning up against the sink, she's looking at me as if she slipped from the water from my water bowl, but you and I both know it's all due to the Cinzano in the punch! Daddy, it's a good job you can't hear what the neighbours can hear, cause at the moment she's put all the remaining fruit from the punch in the blender and is trying to extract the last of the juices as the bucket is bone dry! Oh God, she's playing Al Green now!

Mummy's just crawled upstairs to check on Uncle Chris, and found him in the wardrobe, we're not sure if he was trying to take a whizz, or going on a quest to find Narnia, but we've managed to get him back into bed! Dad, you know I always go to bed with my teddy but it's very hard at the moment to carry it my mouth while pressing my body against her knees so they don't buckle!

I'm gonna close now Daddy, because it is way past bedtime, and for selfish reasons if I don't get Mummy up to bed for some sleep, I am not going to get my walk in the morning, and I can promise you if that does happen, I will be doing my whoopsies, on the lawn, at breakfast time, in front of Mummy and guests! Can't wait for you to get home, will write again soon, lots of love, Molly! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

#1: Hello Daddy!

Hello Daddy!!

We can't wait for you to come home, me especially as Mummy is getting a little boring in these cold dark nights.  Pj's, dressing gown and socks are on by 7pm teeth out! so there is no chance of a late night walk, very disappointing.  I realise its cold outside Daddy, but she does have a hat with mittens and scarf to wear!

All the shopping is organised and Father Christmas has been kind enough to parcel all the presents and stack!! them under the stairs, although I can't see any for me, as soon as I sniff around she's on to me! and makes me go on my bed.

 I do love your new pillow its very cosy, Mummy  lets me sleep next to her some nights, but when she goes on one of her kicking fits I get off, she just too dangerous throwing all her pillows around.

Mummy went out in the garden today and put the lawnmower over the solid grass DUH ! I think she was just trying to pick up the bird food, then she got this bloody big orange thing out of the shed, sounds a bit like a hoover, and sucked up all the leaves, she did work very hard oh! and she has tided up all the wood you left on the floor and cleaned your shed! So remember to thank her, or you won't hear the last of it.

 I did manage to get my ball out of my toy box while we were in the garden, bless her Mum really does try to kick the ball, but she is hopeless, I just play along to amuse her. 

Uncle Chris is coming to visit Saturday, just for the night, so I'm determined to tease Mummy and try to get in the spare bedroom during the night or early hours of the morning, ha ha can't wait to see Mummy go! when she thinks I'm going to jump on their bed while their asleep, I do love a good giggle.

Will say goodnight god bless now as Mummy is getting out of the shower and she'll go mad if she finds me on this computer.

We miss you lots Daddy and can't wait for you to come home, we love you lots and lots xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx